Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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