I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
