Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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