I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
