I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
