Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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