Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
