im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
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