So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
