Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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