well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
