found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
