i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
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The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
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I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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