Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
