I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
