i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
