1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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