god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
