shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
