he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
