but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
