can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
It's blow job season.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You ate ashes out of my bong
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
