I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
