in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
