we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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