I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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