We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize