the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
