is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
