so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
where are my eyebrows?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
