They should really pass out barf bags in church
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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