It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
