life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
