dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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