the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
