There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm at about main and main street
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize