OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
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You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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