either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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