So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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