just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
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wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
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We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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