I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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