I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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