i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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