Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
