I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
