we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
