It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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