Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
