I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
