i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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