This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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