you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
