How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
