Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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