mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Who died my cat blue again?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
