sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
