look no pants
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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