Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
