I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dick very happy bro
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