My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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