remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
