fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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