Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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