my mouth tastes like poor choices
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
