i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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