Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
