My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
