It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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