ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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