Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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