She's JV to your varsity
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
