maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
