well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
