would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
